I will Survive!!!!!!!!!

I am proclaiming this by faith. I will survive!!! I have overcome by the blood of the Lamb! When I received the diagnosis of breast cancer, of course I was shocked. I really thought it would have back negative and benign and I could stop being concerned of this thing in my breast so I insisted the nurse tell me my results on the phone because I have already taken a lot of time off from my new summer job. So, she got the Nurse Practitioner to tell me and I guess even though Iheard her, I went into a state of shock and just went numb. I sat in my car and cried. Then I pulled myself together and went to back to work.

At the end of my work day, I decided that I will overcome and will not allow this to take me out. The following week, I went to see the Dr. and she was so encouraging. That was the day I had my one and only oral chemo treatment. A pastor friend had gone with me but I felt bad that we sat in the waiting room forever that I told to leave. As I drove home, I had memories of my dad after his chemo treatments and how sick he was. I remember his hair falling out and vomiting and just miserable. I use to feel so bad and helpless, so I was grateful for the oral chemo. Little did I know that four days later, I would be miserable as my dad was. Probably not as bad as he was, but pretty darn close, or at least it felt like it. I am such a horrible patient.

Well, after that day, I decided that there had to be a better way and even if there wasn't, I would not put my children through that emotion of feeling helpless. They were already stressed with their family torn apart that they didn't need to be concerned for their mother. When I researched and read and got information of living a more positive and healthy way, I chose life instead of death. To me (my opinion), chemo is deathly. Yes, I know many have survived taking it, but I figured one of two things were going to happen to me; 1) I will die 0r 2) I would live and if I die, then I will do so changing my life, way of thinking, and leaving my kids a better memory of me and I would enjoy life to fullest till I can't anymore. But if I live then I will have more knowledge, more life, and more to live for!!!!

Soooooo, I am more self controlled, disciplined and excited about life than I ever have. I hope I am contagious in the sense that I am the person I have always admired.

My dad was the MOST patient person I have ever met. My sister is so happy and positive and i admire her so very much. My mom is such a strong woman of faith. My niece has such a sweet, meek spirit and my other niece is so fun, loving and full of life. These people and others I would look at and say, "I wish I was more like that, or like this or I wish I had that characteristic." Then I realized I can and am and will be. :)