Ok, I am going to share something that I am sure many don't talk much about, but this is a dream I have had for most of my life. When I was in elementary school and by 6th grade, some girls were already developing and wearing training bras and I thought that was early but I also thought they were lucky. As a little girl, I couldn't wait till my breast started to come, but I started Jr. high and I was the only girl, or so I felt like, that still didn't need a training bra. Fast forward some, and by the time I graduate from high school, I am thinking that possibly, I still had time to grow but I that was it - size A. I came to a place where I was ok with my body. I got married and my husband loved me for who I was and it didn't matter to him, but I started to feel self conscious. Well, after Josiah was born and I nursed him, that was really cool. It was after Jeanice was born that I couldn't seem to get rid of the baby fat and I tried to nurse her but couldn't, so flat they went again.
After I moved to Dallas and my world came crashing down six years ago, and my self image and confidence were messed with is when I really felt like I just wasn't pretty enough, sexy enough, or good enough physically for my husband. It seemed like everywhere I went, there were prettier women and in the summer - all I saw were thin, flat tummied women with big breasts. I felt 16 again and in competition for attention again, but this time, I was in my 30's and have bore 2 children with loose skin on my stomach and a small chest.
I went to New Mexico for a family visit for Christmas and talked with family about getting a breast augmentation and I decided that would be a goal I would strive for. Well, once I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I thought that now I probably wouldn't have any - that is on a down moment. But when I had made a choice to live life to its fullest and that I would beat this disease and when I did, I would reward myself with an augmentation and that is exactly what I did. Once I received my clean bill of health, I made an appointment with my plastic surgeon I had chosen months before. It was really strange talking about my breast to another male, even though he was a doctor. Anyway, that was the beginning of my transformation. The date was set for December and during Christmas vacation. Jake took me to the hospital and I was to be in surgery by noon, but it wasn't actually done till 6:30 p.m. I don't remember leaving the pre-op room and when I woke up and tried moving, I was in pain. Once they were able to maintain the pain, they released me at 10 p.m. with only a prescription for pain killers and muscle relaxers. I went home and with the help of my husband got into bed and had never felt such excruciating pain in all my life. I woke up in even more pain in the middle of the night and crying with pain but could barely talk. Luckily I remembered that I had pain killers from my surgery I had prior. It took the full two weeks I was on vacation to feel good.
What was funny, was hearing my husband tell me that after the surgery, my doctor called him to tell him that i was in the recovery room and did well and they looked beautiful. lol hahaha. Jake didn't like that too much.
I went to a size between a full B and C. Nothing boisterous or hoochie looking. Something subtle fully clothed. It took six weeks to completely recover and in that time, I began to gain weight which wasn't good cuz the day I went into surgery I was my goal weight.
The coolest time going shopping for a bra was a couple months after surgery. First time to get sized and not embarrassed to be in Victoria Secret - as if anyone in there cared what size I was, haha.
I was now in need of getting back into shape for the summer and bathing suit season.

Why would anyone post a blog about this? Because it's reality and so many people are having plastic surgery, but mostly because as a Christian, I wanted to share how I struggled with my image and with this decision. It wasn't until the day before surgery when I spoke with my sister and I told her that I couldn't even pray about this because I felt like I was doing something that showed that I wasn't grateful with the way God created me and that I was being selfish for Christmas. She assured me as I prayed that God knows the desires of my heart and this is one of them. He knows that I am not depriving my family from their needs and just like we shop for cars, not something we need, I am getting something that I desire. It all goes back to seeking first the kingdom of God and knowing that all these things shall be added unto me. Also, God has given me life and life more abundantly. I know now that as long as I seek the first thing, then all the second things will come. This has never interfered with my walk with my Lord and Savior and if anything, I feel more intimate than I ever had and continue to grow in love with Him. I love Him!!